Heart and Wings

(Note: Many separate and sad events touched me last week. But two different stories, from different friends touched and opened my heart. So, this was a mix of raw…)

Tuesday-I held her in my heart

 

my thoughts busy being scared

space was needed

my eyes blinded seeing her so pale

my hands fanning, drying, cooling 

memories of past beloved dead ones

my nostrils flaring with her scents

 

to give her what was truly needed 

I reached with voice and eyes and ears

but she was hurting

and I was witness 

and since I could not embrace her

I just laid aside my tears

 

I held her with my heart

 

I’d be sand, if sand were needed

I’d be flame or water,

song or thought

 

she touched memories long forgotten,

memories buried deep within 

so I sat with them in my body

silently weeping,

wishing to be held…

but I’d been “witness”,

and without arms to hold me I remained:

grateful, alive

and softened because as I held her,

in my heart, my wings were open wide…

 

Wednesday-I held him in my heart

 

space was all that I could give 

knowing that I’d been both betrayer and betrayed 

images that were not his attempting to replay

as I fought to block that he was hurting 

as I fought to not fight against his pain

 

because I was “witness”

able to give my thoughts, my words,

my eyes, and ears

and waves of presence

from this heart willing to ever slightly reach beyond its fear

 

he touched more memories long forgotten, 

again my heart afraid to feel

so I stood back within my body

raw yet open and awake,

colors-sounds my mind reflecting,

and without arms to hold me I remained:

alive-and present

ever tender

on call to be and give and fill the need:

a smile, a tear

the sand or wind…

or ice and rock forever still

 

And while I sense that he’s still hurting

within the pain remains the healing

so I hold him with my heart

as I begin to hold my own

and I flow grateful and alive  

with this heart that dares to witness

through earth and rain, and flames and wind

with wings wide open,

to this life, and all its richness. 

 

Rita

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